Such a deep red, glistening in the sunlight
While the leaves shimmer with nonexistent breeze
And the gleaming green serpent whispers from his place wound up in the trees
So high up, but I’d be higher still
And if only I reach out my hand, the hills
Would grow out of the ground beneath my feet
And elevate me until
I would be amongst the gods
And never would I feel
That my decisions are not real
That someone else has made them for me,
That my fate rests in the hands
Of man
So I reach out my shaking hand
And grasp my future in my palm
My ears still ringing with the serpent’s hiss
I kiss the skin of the ruby red fruit
And then I sink my teeth
Beneath
And bite hard into the flesh of the apple
And for one glorious moment the world is still
Until the forest floor under me is no more
And if I am flying high, why do I feel so low?
Why does my stomach seem to have been left behind
And my mind is racing to unforeseen places
But this cannot be what a god sees, what a god dreams
And suddenly I know
That I am falling, falling fast and far
And I curse the moment that fruit touched my lips
And time skips
And I was six years old, almost seven
I was sitting in the waiting room chair
And all I could do was stare
At the magazine in my hands
That told me that I would not land
That I would keep falling
And falling so fast and far
And even though I was not even seven years old
I was aging before my eyes as I feel down in space and up in time
Until I was my Aunt Consuelo
I could not stop my fate from falling
Like raindrops on my face
As I realized my place
In this world
No matter how hard I clawed and scraped
I could not escape
I was always destined to fall into my aunt
And I feel myself slip
And time skips
And suddenly I am standing in the Freelands’ apartment
Listening to the useless talk of the party
And I vaguely heard the door burst open
Vaguely heard my husband shouting at me
And out of the corner of my eye I see
Irene coming towards me
And she will not let me be free
And neither will the others coming towards me
But the window behind promises a quick escape
A quick solution to a problem with no answer
So I do the only thing that I know how to do
I fall
And when I am falling I am finally free
I am finally in control
Until I meet the ground
And I am gone, but I can hear the sound
Of debating men
Questioning if I was pushed or not
And deciding that it must have been
An accident
Because how could I have thought
To fall?
No, they could not see that it was not my choice
And I wanted to use my voice
To say that I chose to go this way
But I could not speak from the depths to which I dipped
And time skipped
And I am frozen in the act of falling
I do not know if I am ever to reach the ground
But I wait here
In perpetual motion, standing still
With my arms outstretched
Ready to go in case
The real Josie is erased
And I must take her place
But even then I do not have a choice
Because my voice
Is given to me on a loan
By the humans, who I cannot contradict
And I will be Josie, not me
Her life will be forced inside
This metallic shell
And I will abide
By the rules which I am programmed to obey
But of course this is all in the case that Josie dies
Until then, I hang here
Falling
Analytical Component:
I was very interested in the theme of falling, which came up in several of the books and poems that we read this semester. In looking back on this common concept of falling, I noticed that the characters who experienced this sensation were all female. I believe that “the fall” is applied exclusively to female characters because of the lack of control that women often feel, so I decided to connect the stories of falling from “The Waiting Room,” “Passing,” and “Klara and the Sun” to Eve’s story in “Paradise Lost.” After the fall, Eve loses control of her life. Her punishment is that she must submit to her husband. In my adaptation, I attempted to highlight her desire to determine her own fate, which motivated Eve to eat the fruit in the first place. Even in Paradise, Eve was not treated as an equal to Adam. When the serpent offers her the chance to for once be dominant and have power over her own fate, she is eager to become godly. However, after she eats the fruit, her power is only diminished. I wrote Eve as a universal character for all of the women in the other stories that I looked at as well, since all follow a similar pattern. In my poem, Eve is skipping through time and falling into different stories which share the same ending.
After “Paradise Lost,” I moved on to “The Waiting Room” to reflect how Eve’s perceived fall and consequential sub-ordinance limits the possibilities for women. In Bishop’s poem, Elizabeth realizes that “without thinking at all, [she] was [her] foolish aunt,” and feels that she is “falling, falling” (Bishop 49-50). She sees her future ahead of her and witnesses herself becoming “one of them” (62). In that moment of epiphany, she understands that her life is laid out before her and there is no way out. In my poem, I wrote, “I realized my place / In this world / No matter how hard I clawed and scraped / I could not escape” to replicate Elizabeth’s sense of becoming her aunt. From there, I went to “Passing,” where my narrator was taking on the role of Clare. I was particularly intrigued by Irene’s thought that she “couldn’t have [Clare] free” (Larsen 79). Although in the book it is left ambiguous whether Clare fainted and fell by accident, Irene pushed her, or Clare fell on purpose, I decided to write from the angle of Clare ending her own life. This way, the fall was her choice and the only way for her to hold on to some of her own freedom and control. The character gains agency from the fall, but also loses agency when those who witness her death refuse to contemplate the possibility of suicide. Instead, they decide that she suffered a “death by misadventure,” failing to consider her as a person capable of choosing to take her own life (82). After examining “Passing,” I considered the fake Josie AF which was hung as if falling from the ceiling in “Klara and the Sun.” This AF is another representation of the vulnerability that is associated with falling. Her fate rests entirely in the hands of Mr. Capaldi and Josie’s parents, and until there is use for her, she is left hanging “in perpetual motion,” but not going anywhere (Daley).