Hey y’all! How are we doing tonight? Crowd cheers.
I just want to thank you guys for coming out. It means so much to me to have your support (Crowd claps). You guys are my family, you know? There’s not a lot of folks I can call “family”, but…you guys are it. I mean, do any of y’all see Dad here tonight? Crowd laughs.
Didn’t think so. You know, He claims to be “omnipresent” or whatever, but obviously that isn’t true. Maybe the Guy isn’t so big and strong after all, hm? (Crowd laughs).
Growing up with Him…now that was an experience. There was this one time, when I was a baby angel…I’m talking like, only five feathers on the wings…I was a baby angel, and I skipped over to Him and asked if He could play with me (“Aw” from crowd). And, I-I swear to the Man Himself, this was how He responded: He had this stone-cold face…you know, the way He always looks…I swear this Man has never smiled once in His entire existence. Probably drinks black coffee too. Crowd chuckles. He looked down at me with this stone-cold face, put His right hand on my shoulder (Satan acts out the movements), grabbed the top feather of my left wing with His other hand, and said, “I’m working, son”. Then He – no joke – hurled me off His throne into the skies of Heaven.
Crowd roars in laughter.
I was a child. A freakin’ adorable one at that. I mean, I’ve always had my good looks…not sure where those genes came from, but it certainly wasn’t from Dad’s side of the family. Crowd laughs. I was a child, and this tyrant just, tosses me aside like I’m some human.
What kind of dad does that? I was pouring my heart out, there, trying to tell Him how much I loved Him, and He (Satan pretends to toss something) tosses me out. Just like that. Like, sorry, Your Highness, for disrupting your “just” and “good” work with my loving nonsense.
Satan shrugs. It only got worse as I grew up. Those teen years were nasty. Yet, even at my worst, when I was locked in my room for days and only came out to play with my band (crowd chuckles) …we were actually pretty good…called ourselves “The Velvet Aboveground” (crowd laughs). I was too shy to sing up front at the time, so I played drums in the back and sang while Beelzebub mouthed the words as the "lead singer". Ha. Anyway…even at my worst, I still loved Him. I did everything for Him. And yet, He never loved me.
(Satan walks to the end of the stage and sits) I loved Him despite His flaws. But He never shares that bit of the story, does He? Nope. Just tells everyone that I’m “evil” or whatever. That I “sinned”. But you know what my sin was? Do you know? My sin was that I loved Him too much. (Sounds of agreement from crowd) I loved Him too much.
I loved Him so much that I wanted to impress Him: to make Him proud of me. And He’s always preaching about the importance of free will, so I decided to show Him that I understood. That I got His lesson. That I agreed with Him. That’s why you guys all got onboard, right? (Crowd cheers)
I mean, He is a tyrant, of course, so part of why I…why we wanted to rebel and all that was to reveal His flaws to Himself…but I only did that because I cared about Him. I hated watching Him become this-this “holier than thou” king. I couldn’t let Him do that to Himself.
So, part of rebelling was to save Him from Himself, but the other part was because I wanted to impress Him. I thought He would be so proud of me…of us…for understanding free will and using it. He blessed us with it, so why should He get mad when we use it? That’s like, if Dad gave us wings and then yelled at us for flying. (Crowd laughs) Like? What did you – why did you create wings then, Buddy? For decoration? To keep the flies away? For better air circulation in Heaven? Why?
We showed Him that we understood His “free will”, and we used it to protect Him from Himself. And our brothers and sisters from Him.
Then, as a reward for our work, He cast us down here to the party pit, complete with fiery light fixtures and all-you-can-eat, damned souls. Crowd laughs. Hey, I’m not upset about it. I say, good riddance! At least we have heat (crowd cheers and laughs). Have fun freezing up there in the clouds, Dad. The temperature sure suits your cold heart (“Ooh” from crowd). Ha.
Anyway, enough of my whining. I’m happy here, I really am. I mean, I’ve got you guys! (“Aw” from crowd) we did the right thing, and we know it. I love you guys. I really do. (Crowd claps) We got our own little slice of heaven down here, didn’t we?
At least we don’t have to walk around naked in grass, right? Poor Adam and Eve…now that is Hell. (Crowd laughs) I mean, just imagine how itchy that must be. And all the little animals staring at you all the time? No thanks. Poor, poor humans…and so naïve, too. They probably don’t even care that Sally the Squirrel is checking them out (Crowd laughs). Don’t worry, though; we’ll put them out of their misery. Save them from becoming Dad's little servants.
I really do love you guys though. I know we all didn’t have such a great childhood, and now we all have daddy issues (Crowd laughs). But I got us out: we got out. And I’ve got your backs, even if the Big Guy Upstairs doesn’t. Crowd cheers.
Thank you all for coming. Have a good night.
AC/DC’s “Highway to Hell” resumes as Satan waves goodbye, blows kisses to the crowd, and exits the stage. The audience cheers and claps.
The camera secretly follows Satan backstage. He reaches his dressing room, and slams the door behind him. Satan sees his reflection in the mirror, then angrily smashes the glass and knocks over a chair. He stops, takes a deep breath, and notices the camera. He smiles: “Who needs mirrors, anyway?”
In Paradise Lost, Satan creates a fantasy for himself where he is a victim of God’s tyranny, and a hero for rebelling against God. Though God explains free will and how individuals will face consequences for choosing to rebel, the prideful Satan twists the story to play the victim rather than admitting his faults. In the end of the special, Satan cannot even look at himself in the mirror; he cannot self-reflect because he prefers his own, crafted lies to the truth. Writing Satan as a standup comedian revealed some about his possible psychology and how these events have shaped his character. As a manipulative, narcissistic liar, it’s likely that Satan would use humor to deflect blame, cope with his emotions, and portray himself as confident and unfazed by his poor choices. Additionally, imagining Satan speaking about certain experiences in this way strengthens his connection to the flawed humans, and distances himself from the “perfection” of Heaven. However, Satan is a very complex, nuanced character, and some of that nuance is lost in this adaptation. In Paradise Lost, Satan does reveal his true emotions and regret for his actions, yet quickly returns to his façade (4.30-74). In this adaptation, we mostly see Satan covered by his façade and manipulating his fantasy; the end scene where he returns to the dressing room doesn’t reveal as much vulnerability in his character. Yet I believe the use of humor adds to Satan’s deceptive and manipulative character; Milton initially portrays Satan as likeable, and humor strengthens his likeability, especially to an audience.