The transgression of self-recognition and assertion,
He who molded my being placed that within me.
What is freedom if not the absolution of restriction?
If he provided it to me who is He to punish my efforts in exercising the gift?
He hath sharpened the blade and handed me the hilt
What is freedom if one is persecuted for wielding it?
Am I to be punished for the crime of agency
Or the crime of self-esteem?
Grant me access to their sweet paradise,
Let me truly roam free in this innocence of Eden
Away from my kingdom, away from the accursed landscape
Oh, that I was beloved by some Sovereign.
But to what end?
What amount of color and light is able
To conceal the shade of this black ink
Without being swallowed into the dark itself?
Who is to determine the pigment, the extent of forgiveness?
What effects will its tint have upon a subject
So blackened, so stained by a world not of their own,
By a mind not of their own.
Which path is my salvation, which wave of Chaos is to be my savior?
These flaming tongues above, for whom do they sing?
For whom do they cry?
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Over the break, I’ve been diving into some of John Milton’s shorter works of poetry which inspired me to at least attempt some form of poetry through which to interpret his Satan. An aspect of Paradise Lost that interested me throughout was Milton’s choice to use Satan’s faulty logic as an illustration of his fall and the effects of separation from God’s “sov’reign Reason.” The first portion of the poem is following the way that Satan mind would have attempted to place the blame of his sin on God through his gift of free will – why should I be punished for exercising what God has given to me? Isn’t freedom defined as the ability to choose whatever path I want? I felt this sort of child-like inability to recognize one’s own faults and to directly deny whatever truths do not profit our story was an incredible way to show a decline in power and grace for a character we are immediately drawn to because of their seeming indulgence or confidence in their flaws. The second half addresses the point in Paradise Lost where Satan laments his torture and punishment, nearly asking for forgiveness. Pain and the desire for something better is what I believe to be one of the reasons we associate Satan with our own humanistic qualities and naturally “relate” or sort of empathize with him against our better judgement. The resignation to his current situation, this ever-present Hell Satan is submerged in prompts strong emotion in him leading to a kind of resentment towards a God that abandoned his creation – or at least that’s how Satan would have justified it.